Family Relations

I recently attended a family funeral of someone in my family who was dear to me, and as I gazed over this mass of cousins, children of cousins, relations through marriage, and old family friends, I was amazed again at how complex the human animal is.

I’ve tried to figure out family relationships since I was a tiny girl, and still don’t understand them. This is a personal failing, I know, because some people seem to know and understand these relationships without even giving them a bit of thought. It’s as if their tribal instinct is much stronger than mine, as it if they have a part of their brain that automatically makes and stores these calculations, and the very fact that these people are ‘blood’ or connected by marriage makes it crystal clear to them what degree of intimacy or social interaction is required. The process eludes me.

Me, I thrash around trying to remember names and connections, and if anyone asks me what relationship I am to anyone else, I need a chart, birth documents, marriage certificates, and still photographs. I really am not good at this. I suspect everyone in my family knows this and treats me with the kind of gentle tolerance you would give someone who is a bit slow. They are very kind, very nice and respectable people and I am humbled and gratified to be a part of their group. I still don’t understand their connection to me, however.

The person whose passing called together this renewal of tribal ties was my aunt. People tell me I resemble her. She was also my godmother, so there were a lot of solid, tangible ‘connections’ I could hang on to when interacting with her. She also made a point a of staying in contact with me throughout the years, and that often endeared her to me, because I’m a slippery character often wandering off into the horizon without looking backward. She passed and I’m poorer for her passing, and that much I understand. What I do not understand is that my connection with her, and even her passing, has brought me closer to this pack of relations and family friends that collected around her and because of her.

This is the mystery of tribal ties. This is the magic of human relationships. I shall have to ponder it more because it is forever beyond my natural understanding. But what a wonder it is to me.
Thanks, Aunt Midge. Love you much. Carry on. See you soon.